I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
