What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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