I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
