so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
