Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
