You made me cry and you don't even care
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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