i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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