went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
