Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
