you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
