ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
