you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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