i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
