You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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