Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
