Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
