She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
