There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
