Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
