Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
