The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
