How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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