Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
