I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize