Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
