tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
