I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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