i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
