I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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