I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
