So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
