Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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