life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
