he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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