The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
