I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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