one might say we're banned from that church
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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