I puked a lego.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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