We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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