I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
