I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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