he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
