Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
