okay pat passed out under dana's car
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
