Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
