You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
