note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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