sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
