8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
