We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
