you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
