I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
