dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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