A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
