I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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