wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
