R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
