Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
