i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
God I need to hump something, right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
