i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize