She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
