I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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