I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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