you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
