just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
