He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize