there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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