I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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