he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
