He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
