There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
