Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
